huh.

It is totally fascinating to me when I think about my self image.  Before I had Freya, I would have told you that I was "athletic".  I worked out, and I also drank A LOT of beer and wine, so while I had a flat stomach - I also had some pretty impressive fat pockets on my hips. Because I like numbers: I weighed 147 when I got pregnant, wearing a size 8/10.  I gained A LOT of weight when I was pregnant, I was 215 on their scale two days before I gave birth.  Almost a year later, I was holding at 164 and wearing a size 12.  I felt like shit.  To me - I was fat.  I had this huge saggy and distorted stomach and a huge ass.  And lets not forget the chins! So it was that in the summer of 2009 I did a fantastic Carb Cycling diet.  And I lost the weight.  I was 147 for like a day.  The problem with the Carb Cycling diet, was that I just didn't have the time to prepare food and have it ready to go for lunch at work.  I ended up eating so much chicken and steamed veggies that the second I hit my target weight, I went back to "normal"eating.  And, we can see where this is going can't we??? Well as well as going back to my bad eating habits, I also got a new job that had mandatory overtime.  So not only was I eating bad, but I was super stressed out as well. And: Hello 20 pounds! 

By now, I am back in my fat clothing, feeling miserable. I couldn't see going to the gym doing the treadmill at all at this point.  I was so tired, I missed my family.  I was doing a lot of complaining. Then, right around my birthday this year, I started to do Cross-Fit.   And along with Cross-Fit came the "Paleo Challenge". Now, I knew about Paleo already, had the book and everything.  But, we had never put it into place.  Just seemed to hard. Now, I was ready. And as of this past Saturday, the challenge end date: I am 145 pounds, and my body fat went from 32% to 26%.  I have about 6 more pounds of fat to get to my "optimum" range.  And I will get there because, as I have said here before, we are staying Paleo.  And I love Cross-Fit.  It really did save me (and my 6 am class means that I can still work out when the overtime kicks up again).

So, I am now "skinner" than I was before I got pregnant.  Except - the jeans that I have been wanting to get into - will never fit.  Becasue now I have muscles where I had fat.  And I am so much happier - I feel good and have an outlet for that aggression that is always just under the serface for me.

And in totally Piffle news - no hair cut yet.... will trim and change the color instead.  I have realized that I really love my hair long. Just without the split ends.

I Need New Hair

And it want it to look roughly like this:

The red will be a little darker (since I dye it anyway - I sorta get skeeved by the idea of dying it the same color as the husband and kid have naturally).  I am currently sporting a long, unshaped beast of chocolate brown that hangs in a knotted wad down around my shoulder blades.  Can you say "hair up in a knot on the top of my head!"?

This cut has the look of something that I can (gasp) blow dry and go. And one day, when I am a big girl, I will actually curl the ends.  You would think, as much time as I spend longing for pretty hair that I would actually, I don't know, DO SOMETHING with my hair.  Hmm.  Perhaps it is time to put on the big girl knickers and schedule an appointment, procure a curling iron and finally just get into the habit of doing my hair.  God lord.  After all - I can get out of bed at 5:15 AM to go to CrossFit and I changed my diet to Paleo, this is easy after that!